It starts the same way every year
With a box of bulbs and holiday beer

Mama says, “We’ll keep it tame”
But Daddy’s climbin’ with no shame
Uncle Paul’s on the roof again
With duct tape, hope, and a safety pin

Lights, ladders, and Uncle Paul
Hangin’ off the shingles yellin’ “Y’all!”
The deer’s cross-eyed and the snowman’s leanin’
The dog’s tangled up and the baby’s screamin’
We string the porch ‘til the breakers fry
Then roast marshmallows on sparks that fly
It’s a Clark Griswold kind of brawl
With lights, ladders, and Uncle Paul

Aunt Jenny’s tryin’ to plug it in
But every outlet’s blown again
Cousin Woody tripped on a light strand roll
Now he’s rollin’ downhill like a jelly roll

Lights, ladders, and Uncle Paul
He’s zip-tied to the garden wall
The neighbors cheer like it’s a show
While the lights blink out and start to glow
The squirrel’s back in the attic door
And Grandpa’s snorin’ through the uproar
We wouldn’t have it any other call
Than lights, ladders, and Uncle Paul

He says next year he’ll hire pros
But we all know how that story goes...

Lights, ladders, and Uncle Paul
Still hangin’ from that roof's edge tall
With fifty feet of tangled flair
And one red bulb in his chest hair
From here to New Year’s, come what may
We’re countin’ on the Paul parade
‘Cause Christmas comes just once, y’all
Bring lights, ladders… and Uncle Paul!